I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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