i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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