3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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