Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
