I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
