wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
