remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
