Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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