yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
