It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
