doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
