brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
