In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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