everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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