Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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