Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
