She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize