I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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