What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
