sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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