its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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