I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
