I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
