And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
