I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
