I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
