If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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