we're chasing vodka with high fives
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
