He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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