i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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