My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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