Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
