It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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