She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
