He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
