I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
