Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
