Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
