I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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