you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
