you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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