This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
