So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
