I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
