Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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