areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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