i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
