I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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