there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
