so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
