I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
