I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
