Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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