: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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