We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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