I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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