i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
