Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
