But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
