walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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