My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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