I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
