I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will be naked everywhere
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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