The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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