this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
