Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Found your dick twin last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
