real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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