Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
