I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
