I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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